Real life relationship deal breakers

When you think you’ve found that special person, it can be distressing to discover one or two of their characteristics which irritate or annoy you to the point you question if it qualifies as a dealbreaker for your relationship.

A new trend circulating the internet reveals personal features people consider a red, pink, or green flag in a potential romantic partner. While some of these responses are silly and superficial, psychologists warn us that personality traits are the number one dealbreakers in relationships. So, what may appear superficial to you can often be the personality trait that ends your relationship.

Healthy relationships: Don’t ignore 5 green flags

When psychologists use the term "dealbreakers," they refer to the differences in two people which align with primary causes for a relationship or marriage to end. The annoying characteristics discussed here don’t include the way a partner brushes their teeth or their general appearance.

Real dealbreakers destruct a partnership rather than stabilize it. Although there are many dealbreakers for every relationship, I have focused on the five most common.

  1. You don’t communicate well together. One of the most important things in a relationship is the ability to openly discuss your feelings and what’s going on in your life. If your partner is uncomfortable tackling reality, averse to confronting conflict and working to resolve problems, and prefers to sweep everything under the rug, your relationship will be disastrous. People don’t change without self-reflection and hard work. If you are unable to communicate with them now, it’s a dealbreaker.
  2. You disagree on the fundamentals: raising children and family dynamics. If you want a long-term relationship with children but your partner wishes to live a kid-free life, this is a dealbreaker. Attempting to talk your partner into raising children or promising to carry the bulk work involved in raising children ends in resentment and anger. Rather than trying to change their mind, end the relationship. Date someone who shares common values in future family life.
  3. You disagree on finances. Money problems are a leading cause for divorce.  If your partner accumulates debt, frequently lives beyond their means, and is careless about purchases while you are fiscally conservative, you will share part of their reckless financial behavior. To foster a healthy relationship, they must be willing to join you in financial counseling to educate themselves about money matters and the importance of saving. If they cannot commit to this, you should consider this situation a dealbreaker. 
  4. Your partner angers easily and is unable to manage their anger. If your partner talks down to you during a disagreement, initiates name-calling, or insults you during an argument, that’s a dealbreaker. While we can all occasionally become so upset that we say something we don’t mean, this behavior destroys trust, discussion, and emotional connection when it becomes consistent in every argument. 
  5. Your partner has a history abuse with you or someone else. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuses are absolute dealbreakers. Whether physical, mental, or emotional, never dismiss a partner’s previous abusive behavior. Abuse is not an easy fix nor does it vanish. If they’ve engaged in it in the past, it’s a dealbreaker in the present. 


Each couple’s relationship is unique, and what irks one person is no big deal to another. However, if your partner displays one of these five dealbreakers, you’ll be better off without them if your goal is to create a healthy relationship you enjoy being part of.