Ask Mary Jo: Outside influences on relationship & approving of daughter's boyfriend
Hi Mary Jo,
If a man is interested in a woman but outside influences cause her to lose interest in him, should he continue forward and try to continue the relationship or should he move on because she is no longer interested?
Hafese
Hafese,
It's difficult, but when the one you love is struggling with outside influences and no longer is interested in building a relationship with you, you must let go. You can remain supportive and tell her you care about her but trying to convince her that she is making a mistake doesn't usually work out well. Take time and grieve the loss but use this experience to remind yourself that you can love someone again. When you find the right person, you will be one of those men willing to put the effort into creating a relationship you love.
Hi Mary Jo,
How do I encourage my grown daughter to talk to her father about a boy she's in love with but knows he won't approve of?
Renea
Renea,
Since your daughter is grown, she has a choice of who she tells about her boyfriend and when. If she knows her father won't approve, she may not want to face him with the news. If you're on good standing with your ex, you could check with her and see if she would be more comfortable with the two of you talking together with him.
The best scenario would be for her to rehearse what she is going to say and make a "date" with her dad over coffee or lunch where it is just the two of them. She should make it clear that she loves and trusts her father, which is why she wants him to know about her new boyfriend. Remind her to stay calm and, if the conversation turns negative, she should remind him that he taught her to love and love is not exclusive for a chosen few. Hopefully, her dad won't make a judgment until he meets her boyfriend and gets to know him.
Parents often don't realize how important it is that they do not abandon or estrange their child, especially if there is a divorce in the family. She needs both her mom and dad throughout her life. Disproving of someone your child loves because of a biased judgment on your part without getting to know the person adds additional conflict and turmoil in their relationship. It's also likely to lead to losing someone you love, which is a heavy price to pay.