Ask Mary Jo: Getting to know your date & how sisters can work together
Hi Mary Jo,
How can I date in 2019 and actually get to know her?
Chris
Chris,
The best way to get to know someone hasn’t changed as much as you may believe. Asking the person out on a real date is still the very best way to get to know them. It shows that you’re emotionally mature enough to plan something and that you have an intention to meet them and get to know them better.
If you don’t have experience with setting up an actual date, it’s best to offer options regarding the actual date and what you will be doing. Going to a concert or performance are both great ideas or meeting up at a coffee shop if you want to keep it low key. The classic date usually involves getting dressed up, making sure your date has transportation, and planning to dine at a restaurant. Be curious and make the date about getting to know each other, what you value, and where you see yourself in the future. The more you make the date about building a friendship the more you’ll find to talk about and the less pressure you’ll feel to be someone you’re not.
Hi Mary Jo,
We’re twin sisters who work together, so I want to know how do we work together and tackle individual problems and help each other without taking on each other’s problems?
Veronica and La Monica
Dear Veronica and LaMonica,
It’s great to be so close to your sister, but it’s important that you allow each other space to work out personal issues. According to the American Psychological Association, enmeshment and codependency happen more naturally with twins because they have so much in common. It’s easier for boundaries to become blurred. Practice giving each other more personal time, especially when one of you is working through a personal issue. Remind yourself and each other that you aren’t abandoning each other, but rather learning to trust them completely to figure out the solution.
The motto going forward is that being sisters and best friends means you strengthen each other by allowing each person to wrestle with their personal issues rather than enabling each other by feeling the need to rescue them. Your anxiety of abandoning each other at a time of need will lessen when you see the individual strength of your sister growing stronger; plus, you’ll feel more connected and your closeness will deepen.