Hot, steamy love scenes have become commonplace on reality shows and movies, making it look like everyone’s reality but your own. One of the most common complaint therapists hear from couples is the absence of passion and desire in their intimate life. Most of us were raised to believe that foreplay is before sex. However, foreplay is really a form of communicating your love and desire for your partner. When we make it exclusive to love-making, we forget the importance of foreplay throughout the day.
Foreplay begins the moment you get up in the morning. It’s showing up for your partner so they feel supported. It’s doing a load of laundry and playing with the kids so your partner gets a break. It’s being responsible with the bills, scheduling babysitters, and everything else that affects you and your partner’s daily lives. Foreplay includes actions that signal you’re interested in your partner and that you desire them and want to please them. Here are 5 suggestions that can be practiced anywhere and help create a spark in the bedroom.
1. Listening begins outside the bedroom. Giving your partner attention throughout the day rather than just in the bedroom makes them feel special and desired. A kiss before you load the dishwasher is foreplay for what happens at night in the bedroom.
2. Slow down and use your 5 senses. Intimacy cannot be rushed. Taking time to look at each other and notice smells and the sensation of skin creates passion and desire. When intimacy becomes routine and rushed, your partner no longer feels noticed or desired.
3. Send flirty or sexy texts throughout the day. When your partner knows you are thinking about them and want them throughout the day, they carry that excitement home. Ignoring your partner for most of the day and then expecting intimacy at night is unrealistic.
4. Work together to minimize the stressors in your life that mess with your desire. In our busy lives, we forget that stress is the biggest libido killer of all. You make your partner feel more desired when instead of adding more excitement, you take some of the pressure off and learn to relax together. Vacations are a wonderful way to distract from the busyness of life and focus on enjoying each other. Adding relaxation time into your daily couple time is as simple as massaging your partner’s back or feet. This is wonderful form of foreplay that won’t stress you out and may turn your partner on.
5. Compliment your partner’s body. It’s important to objectify your partner’s attributes. Commenting on parts of their body you love makes them feel attractive. Don’t forget that men love to be noticed, too. Share with each other what you love about each other’s body.
Foreplay becomes limited when couples think of it as what happens in the bedroom. Foreplay should happen all day and every day – in and out of the bedroom.