What we lie about on dating websites

HOUSTON, TX - If you’re online dating, the first impression you make can be the difference between having an awesome date or staying in on a Friday night. This pressure causes people to lie. They try to make themselves look better, happier, and more appealing to potential daters. If you think about the last five interactions you’ve made whether texting, posting, or answering someone on a dating app, there is a high probability you weren't exactly honest with everything you said.

Although most people using online dating know people aren’t always 100% honest with their posts, they still want to believe they are. Therefore, they experience frustration and betrayal when they find out the person they were interested in was lying to them. Although online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, it’s helpful to be realistic and know that you shouldn’t believe everything you see in their profile or text. Below are the most common types of lies and the likely reasons they are made.

Self-preservation lies. Researchers found that more than one third of lies were self-preservation lies. These lies were told to make themselves look like they shared the same interests or were more popular or attractive than they really were. Men tend to lie more about their height and their occupation. Women tend to lie more about their weight and use photo filters more commonly.

Avoiding a meet up lie. Many people lie to avoid meeting up with someone. These include lies about their lack of time, schedule problems, leaving their phone somewhere, or total exhaustion. These lies were usually used to make themselves look better or in need of understanding. Many people go into great detail while telling their lie which turns out to be more obviously a deception. 

Lying to soften rejection. These lies may sound kind to the casual dater, but they aren’t. They’re usually told because the deceptive person feels guilty for canceling their meet up, so they will give a rain check or ask if they can reschedule. It’s an effort on their part to keep a potential date interested while they scan for someone better.

Lies to cover personal flaws. These lies cover being late, insensitive, or slow to respond. Most online daters have gotten messages such as “I’ll be right there, or “I forgot my phone,” or “I didn’t know you were expecting me.” These lies happen frequently and to everyone (on and offline). Overall, they are the most forgiving of all the lies. However, if this is a new relationship and your date is this forgetful or careless with your feelings, it may be in your best interest to swipe them away as a potential partner.  

Online dating gives users permission to say and create a persona they think will be attractive and represent them in a positive light to others. Since integrity and honesty are two key ingredients necessary for a healthy relationship, it is in the user’s best interest to stay true to yourself. Resist the pressure to create a false self. Successful couples who met online remind me continually that you don’t need to impress or date a hundred people to find the perfect one. -Mary Jo Rapini