35 years old, unwed and choosing to have a baby

Mary Jo Rapini

When you hear about a single unwed mother your mind may visualize a teenager or very young woman. But times have changed and the birth rate for single unwed moms is no longer teens. The highest number of unwed moms are now thirty five, educated and choosing to be moms without a partner. Thirty-five-year old single women have got the career, the home, and everything else successful careers can offer, but they still want a baby, and they constantly hear the ticking of their fertility clock. They're tired of selection of single men and they're frustrated with relationship games. Many of these women who decide to get pregnant use sperm donors.

Among older women who are unmarried, ages 35 to 39, the birthrate was 48 percent higher in 2012 than in 2002, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

Although these women are educated and emotionally mature, having a baby is a challenge with a committed partner, but deciding to have a child as a single parent requires careful thought. Older women who have made the decision to have a child out of wedlock discuss the difficult parts that you should consider.

1. You have no back up with finances. If you're the breadwinner, and only parent, what will happen if you can no longer work?

2. How do you give your child a balance if it's just you? Kids that grow up without a dad are missing out. Mom can't be dad.

3. Dating becomes tougher (you and baby are a package deal), more exclusive and more expensive.

4. There isn't another parent to talk with about major decisions regarding your child. This was especially noted when the child had an illness or problem.

5. When the parent has a problem, the child has a problem. With two parents, if you have a bad day, the other parent can take over and help add balance. How do you do that when it's just you and the child?

The unwed older moms also saw benefits of having a child on their own.

1. Unwed older moms don't need to negotiate with another partner about their child's care.

2. Unwed older moms model independence for their child.

3. Unwed older moms report a closer relationship with their child because there isn't another adult involved.

4. Unwed older moms felt the sacrifices they made to have a child alone were well worth the effort to experience the miracle of being a mom.

Having a child is a major life transition. I think it is in the child's best interest, as well as the parents, if there are two. Being a single mom or dad scores high on every stress scale, and research shows that when parents are stressed the child is stressed. Two parents provide balance and security. If you're a single older woman and want a baby, before you decide to have a child on your own, make sure you've considered all aspects. Children are wonderful and add so much to our lives, but as soon as you're pregnant everything in your life changes forever.