Valentine's Day date prospect & awkwardness after arguments

- Hey, Mary Jo,

I saw this girl I like and I was wondering what would be the best way to ask her out for Valentine’s Day?

Thanks,

Donny

Donny,

Does this girl know you or has she given you hints that she may like you? If not, I don’t think I’d put the pressure of Valentine’s Day onto asking her out. Keep it simple. Try to begin a conversation with her or introduce yourself and begin talking to her. If she acts as though she’s interested, you can ask her to coffee or to a planned event, but I recommend you go very slow. If you ask her to dinner, and she doesn’t know anything about you or has never met you, it’s highly likely she’ll say no. The more you build a friendship, the better your chances are for the relationship to make it.

If she knows you and likes you, ask her if you can treat her to dinner. Valentine’s Day is the celebration of love, and the goal is to make the person you love feel special. You’ll make her feel that way if you treat her with thoughtfulness and respect. Be a man of integrity and have a good time.

Hi, Mary Jo,

When I get into an argument with my husband, what is the quickest way to bridge this gap of awkwardness without always having to say I’m sorry when it’s not my fault?

Thanks,

Vivianna

Dear Vivianna,

At present, statistics report that approximately 84% of all arguments are one person’s stubborness to be right and persuade the other they’re not. That being said, conflict resolution is a necessary part of pre-marital counseling. Couples who are happy together have just as many arguments as unhappy couples, but the outcome is very different. Happy couples learn skills to move on from their argument, leaving each other feeling closer rather than disconnected. Therefore, it’s important that you and your partner learn to bridge this awkward stage quickly, so you get back to enjoying each other’s company.

Here are some skills that can help. Practice with your husband after your next argument; hopefully with practice you’ll be experiencing less of this awkward silence.

  1. Give up the idea of being right. Talk more about how you feel rather than what happened. When you do talk about the argument, stay focused on the details.  
  2. Listen and verbalize your understanding of how the other person feels. This helps both of you feel connected and closer. 
  3. You’re a team; quit defending yourselves. Work together to resolve the issue instead of trying to protect yourself.
  4. Giving the silent treatment (stonewalling) or withdrawing are not emotionally mature ways of expressing anger or frustration. It’s okay to tell your partner you’re angry, but tell them you’ll be open to talking about it as soon as you calm down.

The more you practice the better you’ll both get at recognizing a potential argument. It’s a wonderful thing to celebrate in your relationship when you can look at your partner and say, “Are we really going to argue about this?” Humor is a wonderful way to ward off future arguments. Remember, you don’t need to get engaged or react to every argument you’re invited to. You have a choice.  

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