Tackling common dating dilemmas

- Dating has become complex, and it’s more complex if you’re well established in your career, ambitious with career goals and are looking for someone who will understand your career commitments, and be able to love you for who you really are rather than your fame, wealth or status. The more you’ve accomplished or been through, the more wise you become to others’ motives and intentions, and you may feel reluctant to become intimate or trust someone exclusively.

There are many things to look for in a potential partner that will help you know when someone really loves you. Saying, “I Love you,” is not enough because actions speak louder than words. The three most significant ways to know if someone really loves you are these:

1. They make you feel special. They are concerned with how you feel, and show concern for your well-being. They’ll go out of their way to do things that makes you happy. They don’t need you; they want you in their life. They make you feel as though you are the most important person in their life, and there is a mutual chemistry.

2. They don’t try to change you because love and judgment cannot co-exist. If they demand or insist you meet with their friends or anyone else, they’re not keepers. They’re not in a hurry to seal a deal or force you into a commitment. When someone really loves you, they’d rather lose you than force you into something you’re not ready for.

3. They trust you with their feelings. Love is never real if you can’t be intimate and vulnerable with another. The more advanced you are in your career, status or fame, the more difficult it is to trust. No relationship can achieve “real love” without trust. When someone loves you they keep whatever you say in private, they don’t tell their friends, their colleagues or their family. Real love is between two people only.

Finding balance in your career and significant relationship is a work in progress for all couples. There is never a true balance at all times, so couples have to face this and prioritize what will be best for their relationship as well as their career goals. Communication and the ability to work and negotiate with each other and have the same vision for the relationship is key. Here are a few suggestions to achieve that:

1. Talk about what you each need from each other. Everyone is different and some people need constant communication or reassurance while others only need to check in once a week. Both can feel incredibly close to their partners, but their needs may be different.

2. You can’t demand all of your needs from one person, so keep your family and friends close. Continue to enjoy the relationships you did before you were a committed couple.

3. Prioritize a date night on your calendar and that means no friends, no phones, just the two of you.

4. With busy careers and lives it’s important to take advantage of personal time whenever you can. Understanding your life together will have different challenges, and obstacles to face will be much easier if you share your concerns and work to be part of the solution rather than expecting your partner to change.

5. There is no perfect balance, but there is a perfect sense of balance. That happens when both couples feel supported, understood and trusted by one another’s intentions.

If there is one piece of advice for all relationships it is to communicate. If you can talk to your partner and share the good and bad, your dark side as well as your light side, and feel accepted and loved, your relationship will weather the storms of life.

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