Rush to commit, prom drama

Hi, Mary Jo, How do I deal with a woman who’s ready to commit too fast?

Thank you, Rashad

Dear Rashad, we’re seeing more and more of these “quick or fly trap romances” everywhere. It’s analogous to meeting someone and within 48 hours you believe they’re your soulmate. The problem is they’re usually not and when someone needs to commit too soon they’re usually more in love with the idea of a relationship then they are their partner. They need something to happen because they’re seeking something outside of themselves to make them happy.

Healthy relationships take time and patience to build trust. It’s important to take the time so you can understand each other’s values and how they deal with anger, sadness and disappointment. People who rush in to a relationship too soon are often afraid of being their real self which happens when you slow down and get to know each other. A healthy relationship requires emotional maturity as well as honesty.
I would tell her that if she truly cares about you, she has to slow down, so the two of you can grow to understand each other and envision what a future together would look like. It’s important that she not put pressure on you to commit. Relationships where one person forces another to commit prior to being ready are doomed from the start. If she cannot accept your boundaries, it’s best to let her go.

Hi Mary Jo, What advice should I give my niece who is worried that the first person who asks her to prom is not her first choice?

Thanks, Erica

Erica, I think you should give her options because feeling desperate or trapped makes anxiety worse. Here are three options I suggest that will maintain her integrity and also a prom to remember.

  1. She can prepare and ask the guy she wants to go to prom with. Prior to asking she will have to be prepared if he says no. Hinting or telling a friend to tell him is often times used, but if you’re mature enough to go to the prom then you’re mature enough to ask.
  2. She can avoid any pressure by finding a good group of friends to go with. That will allow her freedom to dance with who she wants without worrying about what her date thinks.
  3. She can make a boundary for herself and feel comfortable saying no if the first person who asks her isn’t someone she feels close to or respects. Sometimes girls have trouble being assertive and direct so teaching her now that it’s okay to say no without giving a list of excuses as to why is a much needed skill to learn.
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