'Back seat drivers,' in love with 2 people

Hey Mary Jo,

My wife is a terrible back seat driver. What do I do about that?

Thanks,

Bob

Dear Bob,

It may help if you tell her that her back seat driving is more likely to cause you to have an accident, but it probably won’t matter. People who are back seat drivers have a strong need for control, and whether they grew up in a chaotic family or witnessed a terrible accident once, the result is the same. They can’t let go of trying to “help” you drive. They really believe if they don’t “help” you, that you may miss something, and they think they can prevent one from happening. If you can distract them by giving them another task in the car, it may help as well. Basically they suffer from anxiety and can’t stay quiet. If your wife is interested in changing, these tactics can help.

  • Take a breath before getting into the car and evaluate the importance of you criticizing someone’s driving.
  • How would you feel if someone was telling you how to drive?
  • Focus on the areas where your partner appreciates your advice and offer to help.

Hi Mary Jo,

What do you do if you’re in love with two people?

Thanks,

Nicole

Dear Nicole,

People are complicated and falling in love with two people is not that uncommon.  Attraction is biological and finding traits in each person that you value and are drawn to makes it difficult to settle on one. However, if you take time by yourself and go over what values mean the most, one of them will stand out more. Call it a “gut feeling” or intuition; one’s character will pull at your heart more. It is best to go with your gut feeling. In order to have a committed long-term relationship you have to be emotionally mature enough to commit to only one. When you do, don’t go back or re-think. Focus on the strengths that made you choose the partner you did and work to keep the relationship alive and vibrant.

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