Does a marriage without sex mean it's over?

- Sex is everywhere. It’s on your phone, TV, radio, and almost every reality network has at least one series featuring sex. The majority of couples in a sexless marriage don’t talk about their sex life to anyone. It’s a taboo topic especially if you’re happy in your relationship without it. According to data experts, searches for sexless marriage are almost four times more common than searches for loveless marriages.

There are many reasons couples stop having sex, and it is possible that couples can be happily married or in a committed relationship that is called “sexless.” The term “sexless” in relationship counseling refers to couples that haven’t had sex in more than a years’ time. It’s much more common than thought. 12 to 20% of the population has a sexless marriage and that statistic would be much higher if couples that were sexless during specific times in their relationship were mentioned. A sexless marriage is fine if both partners prefer it. Many of these couples enjoy affection and are extremely connected emotionally as well as physically, but they don’t have sex. Their relationships feel close and they report being very satisfied.

However, if you’re married to someone or committed in a relationship that once was sexual and now isn’t and you miss it, but your partner doesn’t, that’s a problem. One of the leading causes of divorce or breakups is a lack of sex. Sex is a form of communication, and when it stops so does communication. There are numerous ways to restore your sex life but the first step is to talk with your partner and be open to making changes.

  1. Begin with a health checkup with your physician. Diseases such as hypertension, diabetes, obesity and hormonal imbalances can cause sexual issues in a relationship causing you to feel like roommates more than lovers. Many couples get stuck here and don’t pursue the underlying reasons they’ve lost interest. 
  2. Commit your time to your relationship as well as your fidelity. Make changes at work and with your lifestyle. If you’re like two ships passing in the night you’ll begin feeling alone, disconnected and passionless toward your partner.
  3. 3. Feelings of passion come prior to feeling sexual. In order to restore passion bring back candle lit dinners, dates without distractions, hand holding when you’re at the movie or in your car, and touch. The more you touch your partner the more you’ll connect.
  4. 4. Relationship crisis such as illness, infidelity, and financial problems lower the libido and can lead to a sexless relationship. Working on the emotional reasons behind a lack of sex with a licensed counselor helps restore your feelings and intimacy.
  5. 5. Post-partum, peri-menopause and menopause may cause uncomfortable sex. Rather than avoid intimacy completely, seek help with a physician who specializes in sexual dysfunction. This may be your obstetrician or urologist. They work closely with licensed sex therapists. There is no sex problem that cannot be resolved if the couple is committed to having a vibrant sex life.

Sex and intimacy are integral parts of a healthy marriage. You cannot have a healthy marriage without intimacy, and although for the majority of couples good sex is an important part of their marriage, what’s more important is that the couple agrees upon the meaning of “good sex.” For the majority of couples that happens when they feel both emotionally and physically connected. 

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